Another year has almost finished and we are about to roll into another one. Where does our time go?

What have I achieved this year:

A Job – It turns out I’m employable and I got a full time job to start my career. I have a few issues with my supervisor but hey I’m working.

Hols – Enjoyed a wild vacation. Which cost a fortune but was worth it. I needed a big break away from work. The down side to holidays is coming back to face lots of emails and a pile of paperwork.

Too Much Beer – I’ve drank too much beer and had too many binges. So much so that my liver doesn’t like me anymore. Next year I must cut back.

Fitter not fatter – This year I feel fitter than last year. I’ve been going to the gym, bike riding and clay pigeon shooting. Shooting and hunting isn’t a sport in the UK it’s more of an American thing where they kill big game and kids in class rooms.

Family Time – I spent more time with family and friends. Which is awesome and very rewarding for your soul. Devoting your time to family is important. Never forget that.

New Motor – Bought a new motor, she a beauty featuring a stereo upgrade to pump out Classic FM and Hip Hop.

What I haven’t achieved this year:

I’m still single – Although it would be nice to find a new relationship being single has given me space and time to discover myself. Failed relationships hurt, even the short lived ones but looking back the ladies in my life were unsuitable and incompatible. Whether they ditched me or I ditched them is never nice but getting out of the wrong relationship is the right thing to do. Don’t rush love. The ladies will come along again. Being single is not such a bad thing. Who needs a girlfriend when there’s pizza and porn.

The numbers never lie – I need to get smarter with my money. It’s harder to be happy without money and owing massive debt stops you experiencing life. Having extra money for fun and the future will make you happier.

Lazy Procrastinator – I’ve tolerated my laziness. I haven’t been as creative or productive as I would have liked. In areas like this blog, starting new products, training and doing stuff around the flat things haven’t come together. I need motivating. My lazy ar$e needs to get into gear.

This week I completely ran out of money. I hate been in debt and behind with the bills. It’s an awful feeling stuck with a lack of cash flow and trying to live payday to payday. Juggling my money feels like robbing Peter to pay Paul where I’m just bouncing my debt and credit around.

Last month I missed two payments. One on my credit card, one on the water bill and my council tax is already two months behind. The council sent me a lovely red letter to remind me.

Debt can become a vicious cycle and you end up in a debt trap where money is bouncing around from creditor to creditor. As the interest builds up the debt never goes down and eventually the bubble bursts and you don’t have enough cash to cover all the repayments and living expenses.

My outgoings and expenses have exceeded my pay. I have worked my way into a corner, a debt rut and I can’t climb out. I have to admit that I am not in a very good place at the moment. Money is taking its toll out on me and my debt is stressing me out.

It’s turned in to an embarrassing financial juggling act every month. I need every penny just to live. It’s sad, I hate the situation. The worst thing is I’ve done this to myself, admitting that isn’t easy.

If I had no debt there would be a chance to save a little, but that’s not the case. I want to be in a position to put some money into savings instead of towards debt every month.

If you have no idea where your money is going you’ll end up living in a constant financial mess. Debt will catch you out and hold you back from living the good life.

You can balance transfer credit cards to a lower interest rate, take out more loans to cover other loans, borrow £20 here and there from friends and family but the bottom line is if your debt and bad habits are not managed and controlled it will get out of hand.

I could move back in with my parents which would save lots of cash and knock around £900 from my outgoings. I would take advantage of the free rent, food, water and internet in exchange for cleaning duties. Having to move back home isn’t what I really want. I doubt I could cope with that. In fact I don’t think Dad could too.

While the financial savings are extremely good and it would help me get my money in order I doubt it would work out.

So from here I’m going to produce a spending report and created a monthly budget. It’s not going to be pretty reading. I’m seeing a whole lot of red and cut backs to move forward.

I need a journey of self improvement. I admit I don’t know what that is right now. There is nothing worse than not knowing and trying to get your $hit together. I want to become someone better.

I’m a shy and introvert guy. When I was as a kid I preferred to keep to myself. The only time I feel outgoing and social is when I go out to enjoy a beer, get a bit pissed or when I’m with people I’ve known for a long time.

I enjoy the quiet life, I couldn’t cope with fame or celebrity fuss. Attention seeking means you have to keep up a front, engage everybody and pretend to be someone you’re not. You have to live for everyone else. I wouldn’t want that lifestyle or pressure.

However for some reason I feel too stressed out suffering headaches, stomach ache and pent-up tension. I don’t know where the anxiety has come from, I’m guessing it’s from loneliness, money troubles, my demanding boss and other relationship problems.

There’s a lot on my mind. I think this job and my last relationship was the wrong move. Us young guys worry about stuff too. Our bodies, our health, our careers, finding love. It’s not all wild parties and thinking with our dicks.

For the first time, I’m feeling the grip of life and independence of being on my own. I’m in a moody grump or just flat lining with no highs or lows?

I think it’s harder to be happy man in the modern technology age. There is too much too fast. Life should be a chilled in your 20’s. The human race seems poorer than ever. Wages are frozen, costs are up and don’t even mention buying a house unless you can sell your liver on the black market. In real terms we earn less than our parents did at their age.

Life for our parents was easier and more carefree. In the eighties my parents said things changed into a branding and consumerism culture. Then there’s the terror killing sprees on the news every other day. It depressing stuff. How do you stay optimistic in the middle of a reality check?

So what do I want? What does happiness and success mean in your twenties? What sort of things makes you feel good, bad and worry too much?

You might feel you don’t measure up in the trouser department. Don’t worry about your penis size or then lengths and widths you see on the porn sets. Sex and love making will come with experience. You might want to also consider where you put it and always take precautions, be safe and carry a couple of condoms in your wallet at all times when for when you get lucky.

You don’t have to find “the one” in your twenties. Enjoy the dating game and make the most of your “single me time”. You can settle down, get married and have kids in all in due time. For now experiment.

If you are worried about getting fired or losing your job then update that CV and start looking for something else. Earning more is always nice. As your career develops, you get promotion you’ll boost your income along the way.

I agree things aren’t exactly going my way. I’m finding it hard to relax and unwind at night without a beer. I feel like my life is out of my control. I need to figure out how to be happy and  tranquil.

I have to fend for myself. I have no solutions to offer myself right now other than to pause, take breath and have some timeout to lower the stress levels. Getting more sleep would probably help too.

At least I’m not going bald, grey and having to shave my head yet. The assignment hasn’t gone wrong. I live for the mystery and the answers. Maybe I shouldn’t strive and push for someone or something better. I battle against change or the kind of person I want to be. Right now I just show up on here as I am and how I feel.

As far as I am concerned my Line Manager is of very high calibre, who I very much respect. My issues are with my direct Supervisor, who it turns out is a bit of a Hat. It rhythms with hat anyway.

Being new to the office environment at first I questioned my work ability. It made me very anxious and ill. Was I doing something wrong? Hat (as will call him from now on) made me feel unworthy and incapable of doing my job.

Hat’s behaviour and humiliating comments made me feel unaccepted and unwelcome. Then I realised it wasn’t me, Hat was a bully.

Here is one example….

Hat was rude and impatient while I was speaking on my own mobile phone during my lunch break. If I need to speak to someone and they are on the telephone I wait until they have finished their conversation before interrupting or trying to distract them.

At the end of my phone conversation I asked what Hat wanted. Hat said he “If I spent more working and less time on my mobile phone you’d know”. Which was an un-thoughtful and hurtful comment after all my recent hard work. Over the past few months I have been starting work early, around 7:30am and working until after 5pm and found this comment very hurtful and untrue.

I questioned why Hat felt a need to track my personal mobile phone calls on my lunch hour he said it was “his job to monitor”, yet recently I asked for some simple monitoring information to support a Business Case I had been asked to write.

Sadly Hat’s input never materialised, in the end I obtained the statistics and calculated the information myself because Hat failed to produce what I required – Hat did provide some useless but nicely coloured bar charts which weren’t very helpful.

The hypocrisy….

It’s OK for Hat to use the company landline to phone workman when he had work carried out at his home. Furthermore the next day a colleague was on her mobile while off lunch and Hat said nothing to her. It is clear to me that Hat has favouritism and discrimination towards certain team members.

It seems a pattern has developed with Hat’s own behaviour and bullying towards me and other colleagues in the past but he is protected and given the benefit of the doubt or any issues are brushed under the carpet.

The reason I’m angry is Hat’s ongoing poor treatment to lower level colleagues, his rudeness, lack of respect and power ego trip attitude. I have tried very hard to work closely with Hat and build a positive relationship but he makes things extremely difficult. As a result team morale is suffering. I find Hat’s management style emotionally and physically draining and very stressful.

Hats like this need to realise management isn’t about throwing your weight about, it’s about supporting staff and getting the best out of them.

Don’t be the office hat.

I attended Sunday dinner with the family this weekend to celebrate my new job. While at uni I missed the Sunday dinner meal around the table and sometimes got homesick. Dad’s rubbish jokes, Mum fussing over you and your older siblings taking the piss out of you and the banter. You miss family life sometimes.

I’m the youngest of the family so get treated like the baby of the family. The one labelled “needs the most help”. During the dinner conversation Mum and Dad asked me if I wanted to move back home. I nearly spat out my wine.

How do you tell your parents to “go f*** themselves” without hurting their feelings?

I could never move back home. When you live with your parents there is a lack of freedoms and independence that you don’t get while living away from home. I couldn’t live under my parents roof again. I love my independence and my flat is like heaven now I’ve refurnished it and added that “man’s touch”.

I’ve mastered most of the cooking skills I need so I won’t starve. Now I have a full time job I can also fumble along paying the bills, drinking beer and still trying to get laid in my own space.

So dear Mum and Dad. I’m so lucky and grateful to have caring parents like you. I love you and thank you for the offer and trying to make my life easier but I’ll have to decline. I’ve no intension of living back at home. I have my own place to chill out in and a place to rest my head at the end of the day. Please stop worrying.

Love Rob. XXX